Help! Is there a Stylist in the House?

You know those days when you look in the mirror in the bathroom at the office at about 3 pm and think "OH MY GOD" and not in a good way? You find yourself wondering who is that slightly overweight person with the horrid haircut and bad glasses? And what is she wearing? Well I have just had that experience. Granted I have gained about 5 to 7 pounds over the last 2 years since I went from working part time to working full time. I also couldn't get my contacts in this morning and I hate my glasses although most consider them unobjectionable. My hair is bad, my last cute was an attempt to take a plain, all one length bob and layer it, not a good idea. It may have to go. But what I would truely love is a stylist. Someone, like Stacey and Clinton from What Not To Wear, who would come over and go through my closet. Tell me what to get rid of, what to keep and what I should buy. I feel like my closet is full of not quite perfect things and lone orphans I always thought would be perfect and aren't. Maybe it's just not exciting or full of things I "love". For example, today I am wearing gray Banana Republic pants, with a plain white tee and a black J Crew cardigan and black ballet flats. Not objectionable but not great either. I think the pieces in my closet are fine in abstract but what else I need to make them stand out is missing. Any of you lovely bloggers in the San Francisco area want to help me out? Anyone else have any great ideas? I want to look pulled together, sharp and stylish and I feel like I am falling short.