In acceptance there is peace - I am not Emma Pillsbury

OK, that's a lame title for the post but it will make sense if you keep reading. I have been doing alot of thinking about happiness lately. I am reading the book The Happiness Project, which I love so much I bought a copy for my sisters birthday next week. For me, how I look has always been somewhat tied in to how I feel. Yes, I am that shallow. I was never the kind of person who could run around with no makeup and sweats. Anyway, I finally accept the kind of style I have that makes me feel good, look good and fits my life. I am a 40 year old working mom of 3 kids. In my work life I am counsel in a large bank. I have painful foot issues inlcuding bunions and serrious arthritis in my ankles. I look best in tailored styles. As much as I love the look of all the ruffled neck J Crew silk camis, when I look in the mirror I hear the song "send in the clowns" Hence I finally stoped buying them. Today I have no black wool slacks, my watercolor leopard evie cami, a grey jackie cardigan and silver ballet flats. The look I aspire to is more closely linked to the look Keri Russell is rocking below. Black, grey, taupe. Clean and tailored. Pants or jeans.


Note to self, I am NOT Emma Pillsbury. I would love to be. I love the great pencil skirts, the bow blouses, the high heeled Jcrew shoes. Especially the gold ones and the penelope mary janes. I am filled with longing when I watch the show. But those shoes make my feet hurt. The pencil skirts make me look silly. Now that doesn't mean I don't have a few and love them but they are by and large the solid perfect pencil ones. Trust me, a flowered pencil skirt with a bright cardigan and bow blouse makes you look ridiculous in a meeting with senior directors of brokerage. Especially if they are all men 20 to 30 years older than you. Nor does the look really work for my life. I have to referee two different under 8 soccer games on Saturdays. No pencil skirt looks good with a stop watch and whistle, not to mention the black AYSO tee shirt they insist we wear. I am not a 20 to 30 something teacher, no disrespect if you are. My son's 4th grade teacher dresses like this. I love the look and wish I could rock it. I have tried hard. I keep buying the skirts, when they come out or on ebay. Turkish Delight, Impressioninst, Sunshine Peony, Pastiche, Ink Blot, Fleurette. You name it, I've tried it. They are not me. There I said it out loud.

As I said, in acceptance, there is peace. Step one to being happy is to be who you are. I am not Emma Pillsbury. I am me.